April 10th 2013

"Grandma Craven passed away today. Seven o'clock this morning. Dad let us know at eight that she had died; I'm sure that he wanted time to himself. 

She's gone. My vision is blurred, I've let a few tears fall since then. Yesterday Dad and his brothers gave her a blessing of release. We were supposed to pray for her at that time. Four o' clock. I watched the time while waiting in my class, barely paying attention to the movement of my pencil. Was it her time to go? Yes. 

 I left my class early and started to walk to the institute building, praying along the way. Dad told me earlier that Grandma felt that she wasn't worthy to be where her eternal companion was. To be with Grandpa again. Ever since he died she has been reading, studying, and praying to gain more knowledge. To reach the goal of spirit paradise where Grandpa would be. I can not believe for a moment that Grandma would not make it to Grandpa. If she didn't, being the woman that she was, there is no way that I would make it. I need to do better, I need to be better. I need to be like Grandma, then I would know, with out a doubt I would make it. Dad felt like this was the reason that she was hanging on. So I prayed, I prayed my guts out that she would feel worthy, because she was. That she could let go, and have the opportunity to see her family on the other side. 

I know that she's up there celebrating. Hand in hand with grandpa, visiting with her parents, her sisters. It's a weird feeling to be so happy, yet so sad for myself at the same time. Happy for the next step, but sad that she won't be here for me in this life. I shouldn't be sad, this is a time to rejoice. Eternal families are possible. They are real."

. Journal Entry.